Finding gratitude
Even when it is hard.
Tell me how you are, what you are doing, what you wish you were doing instead. Tell me about the weather where you are, what wildness you can see outside your window (for there is always a bit of wildness, even in the concrete jungle). What have you seen, heard, felt, smelled, thought, that inspired you this week, that made you smile without thinking, a reflexive moment of pure joy.
I am so grateful for you, here in this inner circle with me.
And I am grateful for trees.
Today, I am reigniting my gratitude practice with intention. Quick question - Do you journal? I have been following the basic premise of Julia Cameron's “Morning Pages” on and off (but mostly on) for the last few years. If you have not heard of morning pages, here is what it is all about. My practice has developed and evolved slightly over time to best suit my mind and my heart, but the concept remains the same.
Sometimes my writing practice goes away, floating off like a dandelion seed head, and that is ok. Sometimes I will write every day like clockwork for weeks. I do feel the tug of the pages when I have been away from them for a while - it is a quiet, contemplative and honest space, and it is where I can get some of the nonsense or unhelpful thoughts out of my head and heart so I can move on.
When I do that, I am usually more open to inspiration, some of the weight off my shoulders.
Sometimes I will follow a theme to write with, so I have an anchor and don't feel the creeping concern that I will ‘run out of things to say’. Lately, that theme has been “Where am I today?”. It is an existential, philosophical and literal check in. How is my body feeling, what are my emotions like, how can I become more grounded, how can I be more present, what is holding me back, what am I afraid of, what can I lean into, what can I acknowledge as needing more attention, where can I get more help. I start with this question, then let my thoughts lead me wherever they need to go. There is often swearing. Sometimes there is resistance to really getting deep and digging in. Sometimes the resistance wins. Then I aim close with a mantra, or a contemplation on maitri and compassion. Today, I decided I would also end each day with a note about something that I am truly, deeply grateful for, and why I am grateful for them.
Now, I could write each day that I am grateful for my nephews, because every day I am, truly and deeply. For my family, for my home (for my mortgage even, what a privilege!), for my health even though it mostly sucks, and for the travels I have done (even though they seem a lifetime ago). I want this practice to be limitless - I am on a constant quest of curiosity and wonder, connection and reciprocity.
I am perpetually grateful for the wild.
Today (and every day), I am so grateful for trees.
Tree energy. Their physical being, their complex and complete necessity in many ecosystems. The way the light flickers through leaves, the cool bark on my cheek when I lean in for a hug, the secret world of their roots beneath the soil, the way their limbs sway in the wind, the shade they provide, the scent of their crushed leaves and bark, their sound, each species unique. Pondering their interconnectedness is extraordinarily heart opening, contemplating learning from tree, stretching my imagination, rooting into the earth and unfurling towards the sky, face to the sun. When I need a moment of connection I can go out my back door and stand at the base of my gum and look up. I can hold her, even as I watch her branches metres above me sway in a breeze not felt at my feet. I can watch her hold my feathered kin in safety, staid in their song, their antics, their raucous gathering. I can grow my minds-eye wings and join them, even as I hold her still, her girth such that my hands no longer come close to meeting, the same hands that planted her lovingly as tiny tube stock. In 15 years she has become a glorious being.
Studio-kitty Sage is still in a cage. Her surgery to reattach her Achilles failed, miserably. She is now over the post fixator removal complications we walked through together, and another surgery is in her future, sooner than later, a permanent plate to fix her ankle in place. A feline leg without the spring - her spring is sprung, which seems a terribly sad and unfair thing for a much loved indoor moggy with the heart of a wild cat. We are both a little frayed around the edges. I have been so grateful for all of your purchases, your donations, your kind words and check ins. I am thankful for these virtual spaces, though virtual hugs are not quite the same as the ones in person. But I have trees all around me to remind me to be strong, to hold fast and be present, they keep my heart open to wonder. Their strong limbs hold constant and safe space for the myriad birds that visit my yard, from sparrow to sparrow-hawk. Their branches are still wrapped with leaves, though some of them will turn their autumn hues in the days and weeks to come. My native plantings and their lemon scented leaves greet me in the morning air when I put out seed for the galahs and corellas and cockies. Their bark may be cool to the touch, but the energy that comes through my fingers and hand from them is immense, and immeasurably kind.
Like you, immense, and immeasurably kind..
I am holding space for gratitude and inspiration, even when it is hard. Especially when it is hard. And doing this means I can come back into this tiny room that holds all my heart and joy (and art supplies), and I can push pigment around and remember my own wild heart even as I honour the wild ones that live it.
So much to be grateful for.
"If I don't notice, I can't see, and if I can't see, I won't understand."
~ Chade-Meng Tan
May you find gratitude and inspiration today, and every day.
Honoured to be walking this wild world with you,
Natalie xo
Some ways you can help me (and Sage) right now, so that I can continue to show up and share this creative calling generously.
I have set up a Go Fund Me for her vet bills. Every little bit helps!
I have beautiful original art works and fine art limited edition prints for sale - each purchase will get a little mini print as a thank you.
You also have access to the Secret Shop - lots of little secret delights there!
If you would like to learn to create realistic wildlife art in coloured pencil, I have some detailed, real time tutorials that show you exactly how. Plus you get to hear me ramble and get to listen to wild birds in the background while we work together. Plus PLUS, there are more tutorials coming soon - in acrylic and oils!
Register your interest for a “Paint the Wild Party” - a live painting class where we will work on a small painting together (and you will have access to a recording if you can’t make it live, as well as to watch later!). This is a special Sage inspired event, and spots to this will be limited.
Share my work: If you can't help financially at this time, know that I see you, I understand, and I appreciate you. If you could share the Go Fund Me campaign, this studio letter, or my Instagram page with your friends and community I would be so very thankful.
